Love and The Lonely

All the sayings - love makes the world go around, love is all there is, love and be loved - life is all about love. I was talking to somebody around Valentine's day. This person lives alone, no pets, no hobbies, no involvement with the opposite sex. I heard a litany of reasons Valentine's Day is stupid, a Hallmark creation, and it excludes so much of the population - its gushy, mushy and stupid. I gave this person a hug and said "Well I love you anyway!"

As I walked away I could still feel the negative energy overhead and again sent this person love. Love resides inside everyone. Is it the "lucky ones" that get to express it to somebody else? I don't think so. We may toss this word love around a lot, sometimes casually, but its so much more pleasant to hear it than other word choices. Like the saying for milk, it does a body good.

Lonely people exist. I wonder, though, if any realize that you can only be lonely if you don't like who you are with?

It doesn't take another person in your life to experience love. This whole concept of incompletion until I meet "the one" is not healthy, nor is it true. Loving yourself is a great beginning to overcome being lonely. Then step up to the banquet table of life, get engaged with something, a hobby or pet you can give love TO. You don't have to FIND love. You ARE love. How the simplest things are the hardest to get sometimes.

I have a video I'll put on today - its so late on Saturday and videos are for Sunday's but I want to share this because it is ALL ABOUT LOVE. It's two minutes of absolutely the most precious lesson in love you will ever see - two very unlikely living creatures finding, despite their differences, a way to accept that and just love, just love.

Tell me what you think......................





I love you all!
suzen

Expressing Yourself (or the only Job you were born with)

I am fortunate to have many friends that are involved in creative work as artists, writers, and teachers. Beyond the common thread of the arts, we all believe that everyone is BORN creative. If you have spent any time at all in the company of those under the age of 6, for example, you know THEY don't need help expressing their creativity. Effusive little energies, they will try anything, delight in new opportunities to learn - basically they are open to life.

What happens? During early years of school we experience structure, containment and rules. At the same time our parents teaching us responsibility and more rules of behavior. The part of us that was a ball of fire starts sputtering. The freedom of expression becomes a limited thing, with limited time and place. Fitting in becomes important. Being different is frowned upon and sometimes even punished.

Skip from 6 to 12 years of age and what a different emphasis there is! For most people only a spark is left from that ball of fire. And, generally speaking, it doesn't get better as we grow older and are told to "grow up". If we are able to resurrect the enthusiasm and the sense of adventure from early on in life, we can add riches to the present day. Expressing yourself is a delight, not something to be fearful about. You can DO this! Here are two settings I experienced where accessing that 6 yr old positively changed lives.

In journal writing classes I teach, one lesson is to bring back that 6 year old child that is STILL US first by believing it was possible. Yes, we grow older, but do we have to grow up to the point we don't recognize ourselves? We made a list (yeah, I know, I'm big on lists) of favorite fun things from childhood. What games did you play for hours on end? What did you look forward to each day? Was it biking, coloring, or what? Did you play school? If so, were you the student or teacher? Give yourself some quiet time to get in touch with that child that still resides inside of you. It was not surprising to me many found interests that could be nurtured into a whole new career or fascinating hobby. Changes in attitude, becoming free to have an adventure, trying new things - everything positive - can come of this.

Then, my personal favorite, was a motivational session I presented at a senior citizen residence, where we also did this mental trip back to childhood. I saw those seniors positively light up as each one would come up with a joyous memory of childhood. On my second visit there I learned a group of women got together daily for a round of jacks. They laughed and had such fun it probably added years to their lives. A group of men, too old to actually play baseball, created a baseball board game, becoming addicted to it every much as the real thing of yesteryear. Others took up painting, sketching, poetry and making scrapbooks. Each one of them had found something they lost though it was there all along - it was a part of them, the 6 yr old child. The joy in the room that day is something I will never, ever forget! We may grow older but we don't really have to grow up.

I leave you today with a quote from the Gospel of Thomas - when you read it, think about expressing yourself - in whatever way you find suits you (as long as it is legal!)

"What you bring forth out of yourself from the inside will save you. What you do not bring forth out of yourself from the inside will destroy you."

suZen

p.s. For those of you reading daily, I never heard one person utter "I can't"

Creative Excuses Meet Mama

How many times have you heard (or worse yet, said) "Oh I'm not creative!"???? I heard a continual stream of that while displaying my art in an art show. It was depressing. Those people are lying to themselves and they believe it. They have sold themselves on the belief that only producing art is creative. Whoa Nellie! NOT SO.

The number one creative thing done by everybody on this planet (well almost) is creating excuses. I know of people with PhD's in Creative Excuse Making. I happen to know this is definitely an acquired art all by itself, this making up of excuses. It starts in school when we forget an assignment, lose a book, forget to go someplace, miss out on something important or can't get permission from our parents to go where our friends are going. This is the seed land for developing what can, for some, be a very creative aspect of our lives.

I put a big sign on my fridge for my teenage kids. It read:

"Any excuse you give me is fine with me, what matters is the excuse you give YOURSELF."

We have to live with ourselves forever. I will forget the excuse you gave me for not doing something. Will you forget it? Or will you repeat it over and over? Or better yet, are you going to bore yourself with the same old tired excuse and CREATE a new one?

Socrates told me "It's better to do what you need to do, than NOT to do it and have a good reason for not doing it." We can always creatively come up with a good excuse for not doing something. Trouble is, you will pay the consequences. It even shows up as excess baggage in the compartment known as self-worth.

Since our new President quotes a lot of Abraham Lincoln, I'll join him. Abe told me: "If, when I come to lay down the reins of power. I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall be down inside of me."

Do yourself a favor. Realize your creative nature. Even if at this moment it only extends to creating excuses, acknowledge that. Then turn it around and find creative ways to actually DO the thing you make excuses about not doing. You know (if you've read my other posts) that mama don't allow CAN'T. It's a four letter word!

You can work up your best excuse in comments. I promise I will talk you down.

If not now,

when?



suZen

Freud, Women Thinking, Men Not So Much

Leave it to Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) and one of his most frequently used quotes:

"The great question -- which I have not been able to answer, despite my thirty years of researching into the feminine soul is "What does a woman want?"

Gee, Sig, that's pretty wide open. What does a woman want in regard to what? Shoes? Fragrances? Dinner? Come on, Sig, we aren't one dimensional.

He supposedly was famous for being a highly intelligent, incredibly observant, diligent analyst. His failing to "get" what women want simplifies a lot. He's a man. Do any of them get it? They all claim not to understand women. Well I found validation for the post on men thinking vs women thinking I did last week so to amuse you and to educate Sig, comedian Mark Gungor says it best. You'll find more than this short video on Youtube I think Sig was way too serious.

Economic Crisis Solved - A 90-Day Cure!

A while back there was a story on the news about Plaxico Burress shooting himself in the leg. Yep. That's what started monkey-mind going. I didn't follow the details of this story but I was blown away at the sheer stupidity of it. This was the birth of the idea and from watching news I can see the full potential. I don't know what kind of legal trouble this guy got himself into and I don't care. If I could be in charge of the world for just a few days, the economic crisis would be over. Here's how.

STUPID TICKETS

Clearly I would issue one to this guy Burress. It would be in the amount of 10% of his assets, a nice little tithe.

Now if you watch the news at all, you KNOW there are many stupid ticket candidates out there. I would slap one on Chris Brown for beating his girlfriend in a heartbeat. The Rich and Famous don't exclusively get slammed with stupid tickets because there are plenty of other people out there just as deserving. But they make nice targets due to the money they have to pay the tickets.

I would extend the stupid tickets to cover politicians - i.e. Blagojevich (the former Governor of Illinois), Roland Burris seems to need one too.

Just let the accumulating revenues pile up --- think about it. I figure 90 days until there is enough to apply to this economic crisis. We haven't even begun issuing stupid tickets on "every day people"!
The tickets would be smaller but there would be no end to them! I'd even have to give myself one. I left my car lights on despite the ding-ding-ding when I got out of the car - I even looked at the car and asked why it was dinging me! Stupid. Dead battery several hours later. Write the ticket!

I like the idea of wiping out stupidity and the economic crisis at the same time, don't you?

So who do YOU think is deserving of a stupid ticket?

suZen

Hope, Love and Don't Ever Quit

Here's something soothing for today - I'm a believer in the KEEP GOING KEEP TRYING religion. Hope this gives you whatever you need.

suZen

Tips for Getting Organized - Get it DONE!

It occurred to me today that I have had good fortune, of late, staying organized. I am Queen of the Juggle. The title here Tips for Getting Organized may not be fair. I only have two tips. BUT they are the big ones, the only ones that really count.

#1 - Make lists. Where I would be now without my lists heaven only knows. I gave up on really long project kind of lists (see my post on resolutions - its a dandy!). No, my lists are just List of the Week, and List of the Day.

The Weekly list I review on Sunday. I see if there is anything left over that didn't get done. Call those remnants. Look at them carefully. Most often what didn't get done isn't important, or maybe the opportunity to do it is gone now. Throw out the remnants unless it is something you absolutely must do. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just put it on the list for the new week. I had something that showed up on list after list never getting done. I decided not to put it on a list any more. I was sick of seeing it on the list. I can't remember now what it was! Priorities change, you move along. I figure whatever it was really didn't need doing.

The List of the Day is my alternative to a day-timer. It's empowering to scratch stuff off this list as I tear thru the day. If you recall from other posts, however, I have monkey-mind. I may start out doing something on the list and get distracted and start doing something else entirely. And that leads me to something else, totally unrelated. Hours go by and I've been working like crazy and suddenly I see my list out of the corner of my eye sitting on the kitchen counter. Ooops. I've done a lot of things that weren't on the list and the day is about over. So I do the only thing to do - I ADD what I did to the list because now that they're done, I can cross them off. Seeing crossed off items on any list is gratifying. Not such a bad day after all, look at what is done now!

#2 Do the list - do it! Stop making lists to procrastinate taking action. That's tip #2 - just do it!

I leave you a few thoughts -

Never be afraid to try something new - remember, amateurs built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic.

and

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

suZen

Accept This Thought for the Day A MAKE-OVER

I'm short on time today but my commitment to write something each day (except Sunday - video day) remains. It is a discipline, self-imposed, but like exercise it's good for me.

I love this quote from Robert Frost, one of my favorite poets:

"Always fall in love with what you're asked to accept. Take what is given, and make it over your way. My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever's going. Not against: with."

I'm a fan of make-overs but never thought of one in quite this way.

Does this resonate with you?

suZen

Inspiration to Keep Quiet - Mission Impossible?

I put out a topic in yesterday's post about men's thinking vs women's thinking. This morning on the treadmill I watched the morning show and believe it or not they talked about this topic! I'm loving the "coincidence" of this. The author of a new book was on, having written a whole book on this subject. Before I review I will buy it today - look for a post coming up in a few days.

My "planned" post today (not that I ever have a plan or remember it if I do) was to share something I found about controlling motor mouth. It's called the 17th Century Nun's Prayer, source unknown.

"Lord, thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older and will some day be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest Lord that I want a few friends at the end.
Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of others' pains, but help me to endure them with patience.
I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessing cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memory of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken.
Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a Saint - some of them are so hard to live with - but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And, give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so. Amen."

What thinks thee of this?

suZen

Thinking Nothing in the Land of No Mind

I try to meditate each day. I don't know about you, but getting to that place of "no mind" isn't something I can just slip right into. Sometimes I get there only to fall asleep. I'm not sure if that counts. I've heard men can get to the no mind place easier than women. Is that true?

What I know about men's minds and the way they think could never fill up a lot of blog space. I do know, however, that they at least SAY they are thinking of nothing whenever you ask them. Is that even possible? Surely, unless they are doing a Zen meditation for hours (I suspect not) there must be something jumpin around in their heads. My mind doesn't reach that "nothing" unless I work on it, focus on no thing, turn the volume down on that monkey mind voice that goes on and on and on.

The only time I've answered "Nothing" when asked what I was thinking about was when I didn't want to talk about the complicated crap that was going on in my head. And now that I think about, I don't think my husband has asked me what I'm thinking in probably 20 years. He's learned something. He really doesn't want to know!

Aside from practicing meditating daily, I am also practicing more silence. I am trying to practice listening more than talking. If there is nothing to listen to, I'm quiet. Now THAT seems to be making him wondering what I'm thinking. I was never known for my silence in the past. I've gotten a few "Are you alright? You're awfully quiet." Hmmm. Contrast - gabby vs. not so much gabby. Good to change things up now and then. Bringing any mystery into a 28 yr. marriage is a challenge.

So hello out there - what do we know about men's minds - and I have men reading this so help me out here - what's up with your nothing?????

suZen

Choice, Change and Toilet Paper

Grocery stores are too big and I dread going there. By the time I'm done shopping in the mega-sized supermarket, I've walked 3 miles pushing a cart. The mileage doesn't include the hike in the parking lot.

When I was about 7, I was required to shop with my mom. Dad had just bought her a $50 car so she could drive herself to the store so he wouldn't have to, oblivious to her fears. She needed me to help get her there for food. She drove the car but I had to watch out for the little things, like other cars and stop signs. I don't know how or if she ever passed her drivers test. I was also her coach. When the engine made that clunking grinding noise, I was there to tell her she forgot the clutch ---- again----and not to pull over on the side of the road in panic ---- again. Getting to the store was an adventure. Needless to say I was always thankful we got there in one piece and that for the five minutes we would be in the store she could stop shaking.

It really did only take us about five minutes to shop. The store was small, the choices extremely limited by today's outrageous standards. For laundry soap there was Tide or Ivory Flakes and bar soap was Dial, Ivory or Palmolive. Period. No grand debate, no variety of choices to mull over. Today there is an entire soap isle, some 50 to 100 feet of products all competing for a chance to jump into the shopping cart. Competition should be for sports. We had one brand of toilet paper (ok, it was as soft as butcher's paper) while today we have ultra this, extra that, with lotion, with aloe, scented or unscented. Lets have another huge aisle for paper stuff. Cereal was easy back then too - just the basics, no sugarfied, chocolatized, fruitified imitations. The cereal aisles today are brimming with choices, 90% of which are not even cereal, and if they ever change the bright yellow box of shredded wheat I will never find it in the maze. I'm amazed there is one entire long aisle full of chips; corn chips, potato chips, endless brands, and so many with creative flavors produced by modern chemistry.

Today the bread aisle is overwhelming, the cookie selections take up more room than the entire store mom went to, and the only thing mom would recognize desert-wise is Jello, which was our odd little treat. Today I'm lucky to be out of these gigantic stores in under an hour. I'm panting when I get to the check-out, which is always 20 aisles from wherever I am. Today I have a list of basics that really hasn't changed much over the years yet I still dread going there.

Is having all this stuff to choose from necessary? Are we gluttons of choice? The bigger the store the better? Just how much do we NEED? I took a friend from Europe to our supermarket. Her expression was childlike awe and read like "Disneyland!" She had never seen a store so huge and asked if this was why Americans were so overweight. I hadn't considered it. I thought we walked off pounds just shopping!

If we removed all the products that really aren't good for us, stores would shrink, making this whole marathon with carts a thing of our unhealthy past. If only some god-like health sensor would come along and remove the fat-producing, artery-clogging nonsense that hops into shopping carts so we don't have to decide whether we should buy it or not. However, just leave the new improved soft toilet paper right where it is! Some change is a good thing.

suZen

Art and Music for the Soul

My Sunday tradition of inspirational video's continues. Take five - you need to and you know it. What is here is eye candy and soul food. If you ever have moments of thinking this world is screwed up, or stress times when you feel pushed to feel grateful for anything, or you wonder what to do, where you are going - here's a chill pill. Have a great day!!!

Do you ever think about the nature of nature? Living things on this planet don't seem to need instructions to be what and who they are. How lovely is that?

Today is a big day for florists (let alone Hallmark - we won't go there!). Each flower began as a seed, was nurtured properly, sprouted, grew and bloomed. What you see when you look at a flower is nature "knowing". In that tiny seed was a plan - a plan for the blooming. Nowhere in its development did this flower ever wonder what to do next. It may have observed other flowers near it growing faster or slower. Doubtful it cared. That little sprout did its own thing, in its own way, all the while being exactly who it was - a single life form, on its own path, developing into what it knew instinctively was itself. It only knew one thing: with proper nurturing it could be. Just be.

I look at a flower and envy it's knowing, its simple existence. Sure the flower has a short life compared to mine, but maybe mine is just as short compared to all of creation. This flower had more advantages than I had from a seed. It knew all along what purpose it had; the secret code inside the seed was all it needed. The simplicity of this boggles my mind.

We, the people, the advanced life forms, the intelligent and creative life forces, live a very complex and complicated existence. A lot of what we put ourselves through could be drastically simplified if we had the motivation and desire.

Think simple. Live simply. Learn from the nature all around us. For Valentine's Day today I send you this : a K.I.S.S. (keep it simple stupid).

suZen

p.s. Great book The Soul's Code by James Hillman - he writes about how we KNOW when we are tiny seeds what we are coming forth to do. Interesting.

Valentine's Day and the Language of Love

The Eve of Valentine's Day and I'm thinking red hearts, candy, roses, gushy cards and all the "stuff" we buy or create ourselves to celebrate this......what?.......day of love? I'm not putting it down. Far from it! Just musing about the expressions and language we use. So much of it without even thinking about it.

Take, for example, "falling in love". Where did that come from? People say "I fell in love....." Think about our choice of words in this instance and, to me, it suddenly seems an odd word to describe something so precious.

I avoid falling. I don't avoid love. How did we mate the concept of fall and love? Falling isn't a pleasant experience. Falling can produce scrapes, bruises, bleeding, broken bones and depending on when and where you fall, you could have a heaping sense of embarrassment as well. I remember some nasty falls I experienced and don't recall one of them giving me any sense of euphoria. When I think of love it's in a different box in my brain than pain, tears, xrays, blood, and bandages.

Do people studying English as a second language understand? What expressions of getting into the love groove in our minds and hearts do other languages use to describe this process? Do all languages say FALLING in love? Just wondering. Feeling a loving feeling toward someone or something (I love chocolate) doesn't remind me of anything unpleasant.

Make a list of the people you love. Get in that space of feeling warm and fuzzy about them. If you can't give them a hug tomorrow and tell them you love them in person, do it in your mind and send the thoughts and feelings "out there". On Sunday, when this Valentine's Day is over, do it again. And again. Every day. We CAN change everything. Yes We Can!

Love you all
suZen

Joy and the Mighty Mind

There is absolutely nothing like the constant wonderment and awe of a small child. They haven't labeled anything yet, the world is a wonderous place, they love the adventure, will try anything (oh this shoe doesn't taste good, maybe I shouldn't eat it?).

So what happened to us?

I put FIND JOY on the top of my mental list. It's not like it's lost or anything, it is right here, right now at all times, but my monkey mind goes in so many directions it needs a leash. The leash is joy.

I read something by George Bernard Shaw I will share today.

"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."

I really like this - do you? I never thought of my purpose as being a mighty one but the word mighty does involve some self-confidence, intention, and the spirit of just DOING it. I think of the words mighty one as someone who actually does something, someone who lives their talk, thoughts or dreams, someone who gets stuff done! It is empowering. It is motivating.

The mighty one WILL be thoroughly worn out - mighty action is exhausting. I've learned to feel fabulous when I'm exhausted because it means I really did do something - be it working out in the gym, doing 5 loads of laundry, cooking 3 nites dinner in one day, or writing all day long - doesn't matter. Is it all Joy? It's all in my mind, my mighty monkey mind with the leash. Joy is ours!

Humor in Work, Work in Humor

I ran across a quote the other day about work.

"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me; the idea of getting rid of it nearly broke my heart."
Jerome Klapka Jerome (1859-1927)

Lots to talk about here. First off, he hasn't inherited any creativity from his mother. (Jerome Jerome?) Secondly, Mr. Jerome - especially in his era - was probably not referring the care and maintenance of his home.

I hate cleaning the fridge, but nothing will get me to do is faster than some odoriferous mystery thing assaulting me when I open the door. I won't look at it, or keep it near - no, sir, it goes! I can look at the laundry just so long - it gets done. My heart never breaks getting this done (unless I had accidentally ruined another sweater). Whatever kind of work Mr. Jerome Jerome (let's call him JJ) did in his day had to be paperwork, nice clean paperwork, something that didn't stink as it aged on his desk.

Does JJ have a PhD in Procrastination? Does JJ have focus issues or A.D.D.? Does JJ use the word "can't"?

I love the quote, silly as it is. It begs me to look at my desk. The projects sitting here need to be worked on before they need dusting. But because I love researching, I went on a hunt about JJ. A name is just a label and one quote does not reflect a life.

Turns out he named HIMSELF (his birth name being Jerome Clapp) so right away I love the man. He is billed in Wikepedia as a humorist and writer. (There lies the clean white paper.)

Today, I look at my work. The magical fairies aren't doing any of it for me. My heart won't break when it is done; it will break if I fail to do it.

suZen

Ban the Can't - Insight for the Bored

My father never allowed the word "can't" to be used. Growing up I thought he was cruel to say that I had to re-think, re-phrase and eliminate the entire concept of can't. I had to TRY everything. I was busy.

Then I become a parent. The word "can't" was not allowed in our house either. (Funny how that goes, isn't it?) I found out that any time I heard people using that word it was like fingernails on a chalk board - or for those of you too young to remember those ancient classroom accessories - how about the screech of a smoke alarm?

I taught a journal writing class for years. I heard a lot of can't this and can't that. "I can't write." or "I can't find time." or "I can't get organized." ad nauseum. I read somewhere that saying cannot is the equivalent of saying I will not. I wonder if people realize the power and energy of their thoughts, let alone what choice of words they use that further affect their energy.

Using the word bored is the sister of the word can't. Bored people will say "I can't think of anything to do, write, paint...... etc." Yes you can! For whatever reason you are stuck in a negative track in your brain. We all have deep tracks of negative thinking that we can so easily (unconsciously) slip into. It takes a conscious effort to change that. Ah, that word change again! And how many times have you heard people say "I can't change."?

Maybe it's time for some change. Not a complete mental make-over but just a tweak in the thinking and speaking department. Try to eliminate the word, and the thinking, of can't for one week. If you hear someone else say it, see if you can gently perform an intervention in their negative thinking. It is always easier to see things in others we do not see (or want to see) in ourselves.

President Obama's theme for his campaign was Yes We Can! And how many people resonated with that attitude? We CAN change, Yes We Can! Infuse yourself with that positive energy and go forth into your day. Try it, you will like it! It's part of Motivation 101.

suZen

suZen

6 Free Parenting Tips for The Parent Job

While raising our two children, my husband and I did a lot of research. We signed up for classes, read books, networked with other parents. Our intentions were good. I think part of the networking was really just a reality check to see if we were the only ones going nuts, or was this common ground? Every parent, at one time or another, will question their personal sanity level. Just when you think you have things figured out, they change. Just when you think you have the answers, the questions flip to another channel. Just when you achieve a serene go-with-the-flow day, someone flushes a teddy bear down the toilet, or sticks cheese in his ears.

This job of parenting is without a true job description. No exam is necessary to see if you "qualify". And no prior training is possible; it is on the job training, despite the books or what your mother told you. The essence of parenting tips listed will be expounded upon in future stories here on my blog. (It's about motivation, change, finding inspiration wherever possible, and a bit of humor.)


1. Choose your battles wisely. (I know, I know, everything SEEMS like a battle - how to choose?)

2. Neatness is an adult priority. (Where adults learn neatness remains a mystery - clearly some have not!)

3. Children learn the most and the best from examples - mirroring behavior. (This is a great theory. My being neat and orderly had no effect on them; books and canned goods alphabetized, who cared? I was kind to the dog, that helped.)

4. When giving instructive information to children, make direct eye contact with them. Look them in the eyes when you speak to them. (This is really quite effective if you can catch them, if you can hold them still and get them to look at you, and if you aren't dealing with teens who role their eyes at you continually.)

5. Loud, fighting children can be stunned into quiet, submissive shock without a stun gun. (Nothing stops it like a mom who sings "Peace and Love, Love and Peace" in a loud opera voice - the first time they stop in shock, after that they stop just because they want YOU to stop singing.)

6. BE the change you want to see in the world. (This gem is actually from Ghandi, who did not attend any class we were in - I don't know if he even had kids - but his wisdom is renowned so I threw this in.)

There will be more to follow because there is always more! If you have a tip you want to post here, please do! Comments are one of a bazillion ways blogs are rated in search engines - go for it!

suZen

Playing for Change One Love

It's Sunday and I like to feature something different/special/fun. I posted Playing for Change last week (Feb 1) - if you didn't listen to it, go back. This is another song - the global effort this group is making really reminds me of the whole "We are the world" concept.

Crank up the volume and relax.

The Energy for Psychology

"I'm depressed. What I think I need is a new relationship, someone new in my life to spark it up." he said. "Oh, good one. And what pray tell might you be bringing into that relationship?" I asked.

"I'm in recovery. What I really need is a date, somebody to play with!" he insists. "Best to heal first, become whole and stable and confident." I calmly replied.

"I want a complete make-over for my entire life - starting with my dream mate!" he demands. "Oh my God, finish the make-over first. Real change comes from the inside - work on that first. Seriously you cannot start with the mate - you end with the mate." was my suggestion.

I had this conversation today --- with my dog Mondo. My good counsel may be lodged in the hair in his ears. I get the look. I get the look from sad brown eyes. I know he misses our black lab, Missy. I know he gets bored. But I also know he's become a spoiled brat being king of the house. The integration of a new puppy here will not be without its problems.

Have you ever seen Cesar Milan on the National Geographic channel? If you watch him, with his calm assertive energy, how he relates to dogs is great. He calls himself the Dog Whisperer. His philosophy is that he rehabilitates dogs, but he trains the people. Its amazing how much I've learned about people from watching his show about dogs. He has written several books - all excellent - on dog training. There is an extremely thin line between dog psychology and people psychology - very thin!

I wish I had read his books years ago when I was raising my kids. I'm serious. If I had calm assertive energy and could have directed the kids without shouting, using just a look, or a small gesture, wow, how motherhood would have been different for me. I know they loved it whenever I lost my voice from a sore throat and I would use hand signals. I should have kept that up actually. Oh hindsight!

Mondo's pleading for a new pal aside, the other brown eyes begging for another Labrador belong to my husband. I'll be puppy training this summer.

Books for Dummies -The Beginner's Mind

I love the Beginner's Mind concept in Zen. It keeps me humble. Then there is this quote from Confucius:

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."

When it comes to the internet, I have both the beginner's mind and a more than ample grasp of my ignorance. Following the advice of a marketing seminar I attended, I am attempting to "put myself out there". ( Just where this "there" is located is still a mystery to me. )

Humbled beyond belief, I sought out the book Blogging for Dummies not even knowing if, indeed, there was such a book. This series of books for dummies is so extensive I may acquire an entire shelf of them. Did you know that you can pick just about any subject you want to learn about and voila, there is a dummy book for it? (Some books are idiot books, different publisher, same concept.) Everything from Astrology to Zen - A to Z - you name it.

Gone is the excuse(s) that I don't know how to do something. Gone is the excuse that I know nothing about something which of course will prevent any trying new things. Gone is the excuse that I don't know where to begin to learn. Ta-dah! The books for dummies series, or the idiot version. I am not having a problem with my ego. Even subjects that I thought I knew about, I can still learn more about and keeping the beginner's mind with everything really helps. Saying "I don't know" is not the same as saying "I can't know".

Following that same marketing guru's advice, I put myself on Facebook and Twitter. I have no idea what to do there, (where is there?) but I have a page. Just this morning I had the delightful surprise of discovering there IS a book Facebook for Dummies. It will be my next read no doubt.

Learning new things is exhilerating and there certainly is no shortage of topics. Yes, I get terribly frustrated with internet-related stuff, the codes, the weird terminology, the where-did-it-go? I will always have the beginners mind even if I do master a trick or two. The more I know, the more I don't know. Books for dummies is a good start.

suZen

Change,the Weather, and Degrees of Acceptance

One thing is for certain - weather changes whether you like it or not. The degrees in temperature vary as much as the degrees of acceptance.

Last week I was getting a cup of coffee at Starbuck's in the Barnes and Noble store. The barrista there is a retired teacher working part-time, very friendly. We were chatting about the weather. It was zero degrees outside. She said "You know, I don't mind the weather. It changes all the time. It well could be one of the last surprises I have to look forward to."

She went on to muse about being in kindergarden and really looking forward to school, every day a surprise in activity. She happlily anticipated the changes in what they would do each day --- wondering if they would be coloring, listenting to stories, or gluing stuff they had just learned to cut out. It was the not knowing what the day held in store; the surprise of each day. As she got older it was dating, then marriage, then parenting. Daily change, details of change, filled her life. Now she feels the only surprise she has left is whatever the weather brings, and she accepts it totally. She looks forward to each day being different, and never complains about it.

This snippet of conversation has been rolling around in my head for days. Just thought I'd share a perspective other than my own. Any others out there?

suZen

Joelle on The Biggest Loser - No Motivation to Change

Last night, in front of millions of people, was a sad display of motivation not working.

The Biggest Loser show is a study of human spirit, eager for change, working on change and the people on this show earned a spot on national television by their commitment to change. Motivation for the contestants on this show is not an option. If they don't work hard to loose weight, show up physically and mentally, the scale won't lie to them out of pity. The scale also will not hear excuses.

Joelle was voted off last night. Maybe you don't watch and don't care. But here is a woman who said she wanted to be there to go thru the grueling sweat camp and change her life. Words are not enough. Out of more than a dozen contestants, she was the only one who had not lost one pound. Her lack of motivation in the gym all week was noted by all the others. No question, she was voted off the show, despite some off-the-wall rhetoric she dished out.

That she exhibited no motivation despite this once in a lifetime opportunity was not the biggest tragedy however. She had a partner, Carla, who had more weight on her than any other woman, and she was working so hard! She had to go off the show too. So motivated and eager to change, to tough it out and push herself to the limit, she was let go because of a partner with no sincere motivation.

I see more in this episode. If you have a partner who is not as "into" a change program as you are there could be a problem. ( It doesn't have to be a lose-the-weight issue. ) Unfortunately for Carla and Joelle, their friendship is over. One had motivation in her whole being, while one had motivation in her head.

We can think all we want to about motivation and change. That topic can have you pretty busy in your head. Unless you are really taking the steps to get out of your head and into the doing, nothing will change except the date on the calendar.

Thomas Edison said "If we did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves."

Thought for the Day!

suZen

Change and a New Year's Resolution One Month Check-up

I intended this to be the post on Feb 1st - welcome to my world of A.D.D. I was side-tracked, blown away by that video. I hope you took the 5 min. to listen to it. This is a blog about change, changes, changing and it will be changing topics continually - hopefully you'll find it interesting.

One month into whatever New Year's resolutions were made and its check-up time. How is it going? Assuming you made resolutions, you have now, officially, 11 months of a journey to success ahead. I created volumes of resolutions for years, prolific list maker that I am. As time went on the list became shorter, successful change short-lived. Knowing I was somewhere between self-flagellation and disgust with myself, I did the only creative thing I could --- change the game entirely. Perhaps others (younger others) had 12 months to work on resolutions. Clearly I was fast approaching the age where there was so much on each list to begin with, I sabotaged myself with the Herculean agenda, and 12 months seemed too long to wait for a do-over of the list.

I eliminated the phrase (and plan of) New Year's Resolutions. Now I create a Mission Statement. The word resolution feels like a hard word compared to Mission Statement which, to me, feels softer. Maybe resolution sounds/feels more like revolution? As I get older, I look for softer things, both to sit on and to think about. I also realize Herculean change isn't necessary as I come to accept myself more. All this sounds so lofty --- truth be told here, I'm getting so senile I can't remember resolutions for 12 damn months and if I write them down I don't remember where!

Here's my new plan. Three is my lucky number - only 3 missions (changes) per Mission Statement - but here's the beauty of it. I threw out the Gregorian calendar and use Winter & Summer Solstice and Spring & Fall Equinox. That is four times a year to prepare a brief (limit 3) mission and the duration of each is only months, not a whole year. My success rate sky rocketed with the shorter list and duration tweak. It could be working for me mentally because I have more chances, like buying extra lotto tickets, to come out a winner. Think about it. Only 90 days until you get a do-over!

I went 90 days without sugar, no artificial substitutes either. I felt better, lost a few pounds and decided to keep the sugar ban going. Amazingly, I don't miss it. One bite of a brownie is all I can take, the sweetness makes my teeth hurt and my stomach turn. Before I could make a pan of brownies disappear - only they didn't disappear really, I could see them on my butt.

The point is (and I do have one) if something you do because of "tradition" isn't working for you, change it. Make your own tradition. Do what works for YOU. The old saying, "If you always do what you always do, you'll always get what what you always get." is a spoon to stir change.

suZen

p.s. I think if you want to be alerted to new posts, you need to click on the orange feed link at the way bottom of my blog - its an RSS feed (really simple syndication) that is supposed to signal you. Boy, don't ask me how THAT works!

Change - and the Oneness of the World

Take five. Breathe and listen. If this isn't the greatest!!! Let it in, let it be - enjoy!

suZen